on to the next one
So, I think this blog is finished. It’s just time. I need to free up some cycles and focus on other things.
I started this blog in an attempt to do the impossible (well, for me it was impossible). It was a rage moment, a fit of impotence. What better outlet for impotence than the internet?
But I learned a lot, even though it wasn’t what I expected to learn — it never is — and I got a good grasp on this idea of alignment, which has lead me back to where I started in a way.
I’ve changed some things over the year plus that I’ve worked on this blog. I’ve adjusted certain aspects of my lifestyle to be more in alignment with what I actually believe about the world and my role in it. But that’s not really a bragging point.
I like to explain things with stories.
As a kid, I went through a religious phase. It was junior high, which is when Catholic schools get serious about teaching real theology. I remain a theology junkie to this day, but that first exposure was a shot of something wicked strong. I confused the rush of learning with a spiritual experience, which it is, but not the way I understood it back then. As a result, I started thinking of myself as a religious person. Noting the behavior of other religious people, I mimicked them, but their evangelistic fervor never quite rang true for me.
Then life happened. I learned more, met new people, gained perspective, had some interesting experiences, embraced some new ideas and let go of some old ones. That was a pretty long process, but eventually I figured out what I actually believed.
I’m not an activist in the same way that I’m not an evangelist. This blog turned out to be a chance for me to bring my life into alignment with those beliefs I spent so many years pinning down. And now? I’m done with that. I’ve learned what I needed to learn through this particular experiment, and it’s time to move on to the next one.
The blog itself will stay here for a while at least, and I’ll return my attention to my long-time web play place: No Titles. I make no promises about what comes next.
Thanks for being part of this.
Love,
MissDirt
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 40 — a perfect night
After work, I went to the yoga studio to apprentice with Lynn, one of my teachers. I caught up with Dana and Susan, two of my classmates. Dana is working on a new tattoo, the start of which we got to see tonight. The students in the class were really amazing tonight, too. After class, I came home to find my husband had just finished cooking dinner for us — salmon, rice pilaf, and broccoli — and we sat down to have a home cooked meal together. After that, I had a white russian while we watched a couple more episodes of Hellsing Ultimate together. And now I’m going to sleep.
And that, my friends, is day 40.
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 39 — apprenticing
Have I told you guys about apprenticing at the yoga studio yet? Part of becoming a teacher is apprenticing, so I go observe and help my teachers for two classes every week. I do whatever I can to help around the studio and assist students and in return, I get to sit the classroom and observe while my teachers work. I take notes on how they teach the poses, what kind of phrasing they use, how they deal with different conditions (injuries, pregnancy, illness, etc.). But the best part is watching the students learn. When you have a good teacher the students in a yoga class can become very focused, and as they work in the poses you can see them observing themselves, breathing, adjusting and learning as they go. Most people who have been in a yoga class can probably relate to the feeling of focus, observation and curiosity that comes with the practice, but to actually observe someone in that state is rather incredible.
For example, today I watched a student learn Natarajasana. She was the only person who showed up for the early morning class (everyone else must’ve been recovering from Thanksgiving), so she had a one-on-one session with the teacher. These can be some of the most awesome classes to observe. When it came time for Natarajasana, the student wasn’t sure how to get her foot up behind her, and the teacher was trying to explain the mechanics (press the top of your foot into the palm of your hand; engage the quads; let your foot do the lifting rather than your arm), but no matter how a teacher describes a pose like this one, none of that makes sense until you really feel it in your own body.
She struggled with the pose for a while, but when she finally found it, there was definitely a lightbulb moment in the room. Her face took on an expression of recognition, as though she was thinking, “Oh, that’s what it feels like.” And again, anyone who’s played with this pose probably knows that moment and how good it feels. I actually wanted to applaud the first time she got the lift. It was a beautiful pose, and she was fully engaged, and I could see that it was a nice feeling of accomplishment for her. Being present for moments like that is so rewarding and yet another reason that I’m looking forward to teaching more.
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 38 — in-laws
I have the best in-laws ever. Tonight we went on a “haunted pub crawl” in Annapolis with Nimby’s parents. As a result, I’m finding typing seriously challenging. That means it’s bed time. G’night, folks.
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 37 — In a row!?
This scene is the reason 37 is my favorite number. If you’re not familiar with Clerks, be warned that the dialog is NSFW.
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 36 — Thanksgiving Day
Of course Thanksgiving as a holiday is the hardest time to come up with something profound to say about gratitude. However, today has been full of awesome things, so here are just a few of them.
- sleeping late
- pumpkin cheesecake
- a day off work
- sitting in the sun with the cat
- Star Craft 2
- beer bread
- family
- phone calls from relatives
- a warm bed
- watching movies with le husband
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 34 — first world problems
I actually have so many good things in my life that I can’t settle on one to be thankful for today. Like… I’m choosing between saying I’m thankful for new friends, old friends, coffee, sushi, my husband, our house, our cat, relatives, music, beer and so many other things. I’m actually sitting here in front of my laptop trying to decide which is the most awesome thing right now, and the biggest problem I have is that I’m slightly tipsy from sake and can’t decide which part of my amazing life I should brag about on the internet.
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 33 — a key conversation
I had a lightbulb moment this weekend thanks to a stellar conversion. I love when someone I know is going to be cool turns out to be so much more than cool. I love when people ask good questions and give me fodder for reevaluating things. When I know it’s time to take a new step, but I’m not sure how, sometimes the right conversation just happens and gets me moving again.
I’m currently completely exhausted, slightly hung over, sitting in the airport, and typing this on my phone, so it’s hard to make a coherent post, but I can tell you the wheels are already turning. Yes yes yes.
40 Days of Gratitude: Day 33 — a nap
Today, I got to take a short nap. Yep, sometimes it’s the little things.